| Location | Newcastle - Under - Lyme |
| Age | 13 days |
| Date of Birth | 17/11/2007 |
| Date of Death | 30/11/2007 |
| Visitors | 11,416 since 11/01/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
★ Brayden Jay Hawkes ★
I feel so lost without our special little boy our hearts have been broken forever. He was our long
awaited & very much wanted precious son.
He was so very brave and strong. His name even means brave . x x x
His mummy and daddy are so proud of him, miss him terribly and wish he was here.
I was so happy I was pregnant, and we were both over the moon when we found out. We then went for
our scan around 20 weeks and that’s when we found out Brayden had a condition called congenital
diaphragmatic hernia. We were devastated, the consultant explained that Brayden had a hole in his
diaphragm and that his stomach had gone up into chest, restricting his lung growth. She said that it
is a very serious condition and that he could have other things wrong with him. We came home in
shock and very upset. We decided to have amniocentesis test and thankfully there was nothing else
wrong with our son. We were then referred to Birmingham Women’s hospital, I had regular scans
(even MRI scan) and they said that Brayden had a good chance of survival 70% because his liver had
stayed below his diaphragm which was one less thing restricting his lung growth. This was the most
positive news we had been given and we started to feel things were looking brighter for our little
boy.
After a difficult labour and needing an emergency Caesarean Section our son was born 17.11.07 11.11
am. I was so scared and worried about our little boy, he did a little cry when born which we
didn’t expect with him struggling to breathe. They took him down to the neonatal unit and put him
on the ventilator. I was taken to the recovery room and I was in shock, I wanted to go to my baby
but couldn’t because I had an epidural and couldn’t move my legs. Adam went down to see him and
he took some pictures to show me, he looked gorgeous even though he had lots of wires over him.
I finally got to see my little boy at about 11pm, the consultant said that Brayden wasn’t
responding well to the treatment he was given but thankfully he started to improve. My heart went in
my stomach being told that, I couldn’t even think about losing him yet! He was so gorgeous and
chubby; no wonder I couldn’t get him out! I could never describe the horrible feeling of seeing
your baby so helpless; all I wanted to do was give him a cuddle. The tears started flowing everyday,
I kept praying please let him get better.
He started to improve nearly everyday and was stable enough to have his operation. We were then
transferred to Birmingham Childrens Hospital.
He pulled through his operation and they started to wake him up slowly. This would be the time when
Brayden would need to be his strongest. It was lovely to see his big eyes, and to stroke his soft
skin. He would grab my fingers and I didn’t want to let go. We talked to him all the time, telling
him how brave and strong he is, and that he would get loads of cuddles of kisses when better.
Brayden was doing most of his own breathing and doing really well. He was started to gag on his tube
down his throat and being sick, it was so distressing to see my baby like this but the nurses said
it was normal. He would do his silent cry and frown, I felt so helpless. The nurses then decided to
change his ventilation tube to go down his nose, it would be better for Brayden and be more
comfortable. This is when Brayden started to take steps back.
Brayden was now back on all his machines from when he was first born, we knew that this wasn’t
good but we always tried to stay positive. The doctors kept saying it’s unusual for him to be
doing so well and then to be really poorly, they had taken samples to check for infection. It was
heartbreaking to see Brayden so poorly, he looked so pale and fed up.
We then had the horrible call on 30.11.07 at 2.36am saying that Brayden had got even worse. We
rushed over to the hospital, I felt so sick my heart was racing. His stats were the lowest we had
ever seen, I think by then we knew we were going to lose him. We had him christened; he was taken of
his ventilator and went asleep in our arms.
We later found out that Brayden had pneumonia, it was the worst infection he could have got with
having poorly lungs anyway. I keep thinking if he didn’t get this he would still be here today.
We love and miss him so much, he was only with us for 13 days but will be forever in our hearts.
Missed and loved by; Mummy, Daddy, Nana, Popsy, nannie, grandad, big nannie, great grandad, Auntie
Kirsty, Auntie Gemma, Uncle Kieran, Uncle Matt, Uncle Sam, Cousins Lottie & Lyla
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'A Pair of Shoes'
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child
our little sunshine x xx x
night night beautiful, sending you lots of sloppy kisses and special auntie cuddles, your always in my thoughts, i'm so pleased that we found a lovely butterfly locket necklace shaped as a heart, for Lottie which she loves! it's so pretty and has beautiful photos of you in, so she has a necklace like your mummy's, she never wants to take it off, thats because your soooooo special to us all and we love you so much, sweetdreams angel big kisses X XX X x xx x xx x
"Have You Ever?" by Ruth Sparrey
Have you ever stood and looked up into the clear night sky
Wondering if your little soul is out there dancing amid the countless others?
Have you ever looked into the face of another and read the lines so finely etched?
Have you ever looked between the words that have not been spoken?
Have you ever felt like the protective lioness that has nothing to protect?
Have you ever left your known existence to walk another path?
Have you ever cried endless tears, alone and broken?
Have you ever shared purest love, love that you would not normally express?
Have you ever felt something grow but have it taken away before its flower?
Have you ever watched a child and thought this is what it should be?
Have you ever been part of a conversation in which you do not fit?
Have you ever had to climb an emotional mountain, never to reach the summit?
Have you ever nurtured a memory in order to give life to the already departed?
Have you ever been asked how you are feeling and known that the question was real?
Have you ever been kept awake for fear that someone else in your world will leave you?
Have you ever caught a moment and cherished it for the peace that it brings?
Have you ever smiled and danced in the rain knowing that one day you will rise?
Have you ever just simply breathed to let yourself be free?
Have you ever hidden away from the world, just for a while, so that you can face another day?
Have you ever found comfort from the gentle flicker of a simple flame?
Have you ever held out your hand to another, knowing that this is the only thing you can do?
Have you ever felt your blessing is not understood for what it should be?
Have you ever stood and looked up into the clear night sky
Knowing that your little soul is out there dancing in the company of others?
Our beautiful angel x xx x
No Christmas will be the same angel! you are so so close to my heart you, your mummy, daddy, and lil boo oh and not to forget rufus your silly doggy :). I'm sure your great Nana and Popsy and your daddy's grandad are all looking after you in heaven, you will be in my thoughts so much tomorrow as you are every day, santa will bring you special presents all full of so much love and all bursting to open with so many kisses, stay close to your mummy, daddy and lil boo, sprinkle all your stars on the photo's for us all to see, your such a beautiful boy love you so much cuddles and special auntie kisses x xxx x xxx x xxx x
Christmas time. XxX
Hi sweetheart,
Its nearly christmas, me & daddy used to love christmas time but its just not the same anymore without you. I bet you love christmas seeing all the pretty lights & pressies. I have brought you a christmas balloon for you to catch on christmas day, i just wish there is more we could do for you thats as special as you are. We also decorated your tree with stars & snowflakes & looks beautiful. I wanted to have new christmas decorations this year but we will wait til the sales ; ) oh and a new tree because ours is wonky & fell on top of rufus he he.
Im going to decorate your daddy in christmas decorations, its going to be our lil tradition! I bet you giggle so much seeing your daddy be silly, its one of those things that makes me love him so much!
I got a lovely little white cherub for the tree, i also got one for your nana & auntie kirsty.
Im getting so shattered at work sweetheart, i cant wait just to spend time with you, daddy, lil boo & rufus. I love my sleep now brayden, i just find it so hard to get up, thats me being a lazy bum!
I love & miss you so much, night night cutie pie.
Mummy xxxx
This Tribute Is For This Weekend A Little Longer Than Usual. Sorry It's So Early I've Got A Busy Weekend Ahead
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I will light my candles as usual on Sunday
Our memories build a special bridge
When loved ones have to part.
To help us feel we're with them still
And soothe a grieving heart.
Our memories span the years we shared,
Preserving ties that bind.
They build a special bridge of love
And bring us peace of mind.
When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you.
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand.
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again.
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more.
To remember all the happy times,
Life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
We pledge to you today:
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay.
A million times we've needed you,
A million times we've cried.
If love could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place
No one will ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn't go alone.
Part of us went with you
The day God took you home.
Thoughts Today, Memories Forever
Angela (Christopher-John Rowe) Mum
Beautiful Brayden x xx x x xx x
sweetie, we love and miss you so much, have you caught all of lottie's kisses? she blows you so so many every night before she goes to sleep. Life is not the same, i know your always with your mummy and daddy you are so precious, always so close to my heart our beautiful Brayden Jay, special auntie cuddles and lots of gentle kisses love you x xx x x xx x x xx x xx x xx x xx xx xx x xx x xx x
Missing You, Child, at Christmas
Everybody's rushing round
Full of festive cheer
But I'm finding all I want to do
At Christmas, is come here.
To talk to you a little while
And light a candle or two
I can't buy you a present
So what else can I do?
Remember child, I love you
I'm still hurting with this pain
I don't think it will ever stop
Until I'm with you once again.
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND EVERYONE
Our Lives changed, the very moment you passed away.
We couldn't stop it; there was nothing we could say.
You've touched our lives so deeply to a point you will never know,
We try to think about you when we are feeling down and low.
Sometimes when our day gets hard we will think about your beautiful smile
And if we listen hard enough we will hear your voice after a while.
It's you who give us a reason to go on with our day,
And now if we want to see you we'll bow our heads and pray.
We catch ourselves looking for you still, in the halls and at the front door,
But when we call your name there is no reply any more!
We never thought a day would come where we would be apart,
God has you in his keepings, we have you in our hearts.
Life will go on, but never will be the same,
Your beautiful smile is gone, but it will always remain.
You're our angel from up above.
You'll always be missed, but most importantly... loved.
Just one more minute, God, is all we ask- why can't you give them back;
It seems like such a simple task. We guess people are right when they say God only takes the best,
We know enough now that you're peacefully at rest.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
You can shed tears that they are gone,
Or you can smile because they lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that they will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that they have left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see them
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember them and only that they are gone
Or you can cherish the memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what they would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
I'm writing this from heaven, where I dwell with God above.
Where there's no more tears or sadness, there's just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I am out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
And I will stay beside you, every day, week and year
And when you're sad I'll still be there to wipe away your tears.
When you think of my life on earth and all those living years
Because your only human their bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry it does relieve the pain
Remember there wouldn't be flowers unless we first had rain.
I wish I could tell you of all that God has planned
But even if I were able to, you wouldn't understand.
When your going down the street and you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps and only half a step behind.
And if you feel a gentle breeze or wind upon your face
Remember it's only me with a loving and soft embrace.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
Have A Good Weekend Everyone
If I Knew
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance to say
our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.
Thoughts Today Memories Forever
Angela(Christopher-John Rowe)Mum
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