| Location | Newcastle - Under - Lyme |
| Age | 13 days |
| Date of Birth | 17/11/2007 |
| Date of Death | 30/11/2007 |
| Visitors | 11,416 since 11/01/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
★ Brayden Jay Hawkes ★
I feel so lost without our special little boy our hearts have been broken forever. He was our long
awaited & very much wanted precious son.
He was so very brave and strong. His name even means brave . x x x
His mummy and daddy are so proud of him, miss him terribly and wish he was here.
I was so happy I was pregnant, and we were both over the moon when we found out. We then went for
our scan around 20 weeks and that’s when we found out Brayden had a condition called congenital
diaphragmatic hernia. We were devastated, the consultant explained that Brayden had a hole in his
diaphragm and that his stomach had gone up into chest, restricting his lung growth. She said that it
is a very serious condition and that he could have other things wrong with him. We came home in
shock and very upset. We decided to have amniocentesis test and thankfully there was nothing else
wrong with our son. We were then referred to Birmingham Women’s hospital, I had regular scans
(even MRI scan) and they said that Brayden had a good chance of survival 70% because his liver had
stayed below his diaphragm which was one less thing restricting his lung growth. This was the most
positive news we had been given and we started to feel things were looking brighter for our little
boy.
After a difficult labour and needing an emergency Caesarean Section our son was born 17.11.07 11.11
am. I was so scared and worried about our little boy, he did a little cry when born which we
didn’t expect with him struggling to breathe. They took him down to the neonatal unit and put him
on the ventilator. I was taken to the recovery room and I was in shock, I wanted to go to my baby
but couldn’t because I had an epidural and couldn’t move my legs. Adam went down to see him and
he took some pictures to show me, he looked gorgeous even though he had lots of wires over him.
I finally got to see my little boy at about 11pm, the consultant said that Brayden wasn’t
responding well to the treatment he was given but thankfully he started to improve. My heart went in
my stomach being told that, I couldn’t even think about losing him yet! He was so gorgeous and
chubby; no wonder I couldn’t get him out! I could never describe the horrible feeling of seeing
your baby so helpless; all I wanted to do was give him a cuddle. The tears started flowing everyday,
I kept praying please let him get better.
He started to improve nearly everyday and was stable enough to have his operation. We were then
transferred to Birmingham Childrens Hospital.
He pulled through his operation and they started to wake him up slowly. This would be the time when
Brayden would need to be his strongest. It was lovely to see his big eyes, and to stroke his soft
skin. He would grab my fingers and I didn’t want to let go. We talked to him all the time, telling
him how brave and strong he is, and that he would get loads of cuddles of kisses when better.
Brayden was doing most of his own breathing and doing really well. He was started to gag on his tube
down his throat and being sick, it was so distressing to see my baby like this but the nurses said
it was normal. He would do his silent cry and frown, I felt so helpless. The nurses then decided to
change his ventilation tube to go down his nose, it would be better for Brayden and be more
comfortable. This is when Brayden started to take steps back.
Brayden was now back on all his machines from when he was first born, we knew that this wasn’t
good but we always tried to stay positive. The doctors kept saying it’s unusual for him to be
doing so well and then to be really poorly, they had taken samples to check for infection. It was
heartbreaking to see Brayden so poorly, he looked so pale and fed up.
We then had the horrible call on 30.11.07 at 2.36am saying that Brayden had got even worse. We
rushed over to the hospital, I felt so sick my heart was racing. His stats were the lowest we had
ever seen, I think by then we knew we were going to lose him. We had him christened; he was taken of
his ventilator and went asleep in our arms.
We later found out that Brayden had pneumonia, it was the worst infection he could have got with
having poorly lungs anyway. I keep thinking if he didn’t get this he would still be here today.
We love and miss him so much, he was only with us for 13 days but will be forever in our hearts.
Missed and loved by; Mummy, Daddy, Nana, Popsy, nannie, grandad, big nannie, great grandad, Auntie
Kirsty, Auntie Gemma, Uncle Kieran, Uncle Matt, Uncle Sam, Cousins Lottie & Lyla
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'A Pair of Shoes'
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child
A Mother's Love
I didn’t have to look into your eyes
To fall in love with you.
I didn’t have to hear you cry
To know you loved me too.
I didn’t need to hold your hand
To cherish you always.
Within my womb we shared our hearts
You touched my soul
You sweetened my spirit
You gave me memories I’ll always
Hold very dear
Yes, my heart aches since
You departed so soon
But a mothers love does not
End with death
For you are my child
my love is forever yours.
Live For Me
If I could, I would tell you that I love you
And that I chose to spend the time I had with you.
If I could, I would tell you that you are not to blame
For all was written in the stars, so long ago.
If I could I would tell you that I love you
And just how much our time together meant to me;
How I remember every kiss, and the loving arms that held me
And in my memory, I beg of you, please don't forget to live!
LIVE FOR ME! Don't take a moment for granted
Every breath you take and every friend you make is a precious, precious gift.
LIVE FOR ME! Open up your heart and let the people that surround you
Help you love again - LOVE and LIVE for me!
If I could, I would tell you that I love you
And I remember every precious moment shared.
I would ask you to release any pain that still remains
And fill your heart with peace and love for you and me.
If I could, I would tell you that I love you
I would hold your hand and tell you that I am fine.
Cause here I play with the angels, and I even dance with God among the stars
And the love and light I feel is all I need!
LIVE FOR ME! Don't take a moment for granted
Every breath you take and every friend you make is a precious, precious gift.
LIVE FOR ME! Open up your heart and let the people that surround you
Help you love again - LOVE and LIVE for me!!!
Forgive yourself and love yourself and
Love all those around you; in memory of me.
LIVE FOR ME! Your life is a gift of mine as much as it is yours
So please, please, LIVE and LOVE for Me!
I Shall Remember You
I shall remember you for as long
as there are fields of snow
And there are flowers in the ground
with strength to grow.
As long as there are stars above
and moonbeams on the sea,
And just as long as there are songs
of love and memory.
I shall remember you today
and dreams of you tonight,
And look for you tomorrow when
the sun begins to light.
Whatever season, month or year
this much will be the same,
The special sound of joy will be
the mention of your name.
I shall remember you for as long
as there are earth and sky.
And all eternity
may it take to say goodbye.
This Woman's Work by Kate Bush
Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.
(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
♥ღ♥ A Last Goodbye ♥ღ♥
Though happily each year began
I had to die whilst very young
It is so long since our last touch
And I miss your presence there so much
Of many things I needed to learn
So to this place God made me turn
Yet with so many things to do
I have taken this moment to speak to you
The life that was, was not to be mine
Yet within this world it has worked out fine
Where I am now I have found new friends
In a place called Heaven where the spirit ascends
Straight to this world few pass it by
And no one here can really die
Although this child you cannot see
I know you'd be so proud of me
I look forward to when I'll see you mum
So until it is your time to come
Enjoy your life
And please don't cry
I just came to say goodbye.
Steve Franklin Palmer
♥ ♥ HEAVEN ♥ ♥
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without the children there,
Playing hide and seek in pearly mists
Free from every pain and care.
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their carefree rapture,
Scrambling through the fluffy clouds
Each happy moment to capture
♥ ♥
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their shouts and laughter
Echoing across Elysian fields
As starbursts they chase after
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their joyful choir
Ringing through celestial realms
Sweet voices rising ever higher
♥ ♥
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their radiant light,
Undimmed by earth's murky shades
Their robes shining bright.
Heaven would not be Heaven
Without their smiles of pleasure,
Bearing sheaves of rainbow flowers;
Children are Heaven's treasure.
♥ ♥
Christening
Hi Brayden just a little message to say hope you have lots of fun today at corbans christening you will be in everyonges heart on this special day.
Lots of love
sarah,tom,annie and cian
xxxxxx
I cried for you, makes me cry everytime xxx
You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you
But others pass, they never pause
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
I'll cross the sea for a different world
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold
In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met
They may not know
How much you meant to me
I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
Without you now I see
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper
Love you xxx
Hello sweetheart, love you so so much, i so wish you were here with us, i have been brave enough to listen to your songs recently, breaks my heart.
WHY did u go? its not fair but i know your a precious lil angel looking down on us.
I wish i could tuck you up in bed with your lil bro, all cosy & snug, but i prob know that your at the side of him holding his lil handies.
I hope you will like your joint christening celebration with corban, you deserve it sweetie, just wish it could of been different. Its going to be all rainbow colours & i know you will have lots of fun catching all the rainbow coloured balloons. : )
Love you so much
xxxxxxxx
a kiss goodnight x xx x
The Stars have switched there lights on, the shimmering moon shines bright. Just one last kiss before you sleep I LOVE YOU so night night,
Sweetdreams my gorgeous, beautiful nephew
I Love you with all my heart auntie Kirsty x xx x
The Little Wave
The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind and the fresh air – until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore. “My God, this terrible,” the wave says. “Look what's going to happen to me!”
Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him: “Why do you look so sad?” The first wave says: “You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?”
The second wave says: “No, you don't understand. You're not a wave; you're part of the ocean.”
Taken from the novel "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom.
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